I need structure in my life, without it my brain melts, which is why I’ve created an almost militant approach to certain aspects of ordering my life.
Every morning I do breathwork, meditate and workout - those are my non-negotiables. Then as I wrote about in this article, I incorporate different strategies to help me focus. When I was living in Brighton I rented a co-working space, so I had a designated place to work. And all of the above helped me get into a daily rhythm.
But since arriving in LA, I have been struggling to replicate that routine. The time difference has thrown me off course, as soon as I wake up I’m greeted by an avalanche of emails and messages to reply to, which immediately sends me into an anxious state.
And my work set up varies from cafes to libraries, which adds additional decision making to an already busy brain. As a result, my cognitive functioning has been detrimentally impacted and this is when the chaos ensues.
Throughout my time here I’ve found myself saying yes to everything, meeting people, going to places - you name it I’ve been doing it. But as a wise friend in the therapy world recently said to me “Steve instead of saying yes to everything, you need to start learning how to say no”. To which I replied “yes, I do”.
The problem with saying yes means expending energy and when that’s combined with a lack of structure, well my friends - welcome to peak ADHD. Take last Thursday, I had been introduced to someone through a friend who runs Mens circles, which is an area that I’ve found useful and healing. So I drove to meet them an hour away, which under normal circumstances is fine, but it was off the back of three nights of bad sleep and I was beginning to feel the effects.
Despite this, I decided to plough on ahead, having already had a busy morning of work. The meeting itself was great, we had a lot in common and I always enjoy connecting with new people. But boy was I tired. On the way back I stopped off at the petrol station, absentmindedly filled up the tank and drove off. A few minutes later the car started to violently stutter and then it conked out. Just my luck I thought, but then it dawned on me.
The car took unleaded and in the US the green nozzle is diesel and in my frazzled state I’d forgot to check. And that’s when the cursing began “you idiot, how could you have been so stupid”! But then I paused and tried do the reparenting thingy where you talk to your inner child and say things like“it’s ok, you made a mistake - we’ll figure it out”- all whilst receiving concerned looks from pedestrians passing by.
Fortunately I had just turned off a main road and was adjacent to an apartment block, but I was on a hill and didn’t have enough juice to drive in. Then just in the nick of time a skinny looking teenager walked past and I roped him in to help me push the car into the carpark. But alas he couldn’t quite muster up the strength and as I was about to let out a big almighty “fuccckkkkk”, another guy stopped at the lights popped his head out the window and said “dude you need some help?”
Two minutes later the skinny teenager, two of his friends and the helpful man pushed the car into the carpark. I was very grateful for their generous assistance and promised to give them a mention in my newsletter, in return for a paid subscription…
The next step was breaking the news to my friend Dave, who had kindly invited me to stay with him - that I filled his wife’s car with diesel and it had subsequently broken down, as had I. Full credit to him, he took it well and organised a tow truck to pick up the car and take us to the nearest mechanic. The ETA was 45 minutes, but it ended up taking 2 hours to arrive. Historically, old Steve would have gotten very aggravated, but Steve 2.0 remained calm and did some physiological sighs to calm my/his nervous system - which worked a treat.
I was also helped by a nearby pop up pizza stall, which despite my gluten intolerance, eased the pain of my predicament. Two pizzas later and the tow truck arrived, driven by the very nice Juan. Fortunately, the nearby mechanic that I’d found had a 4.9 rating on google reviews and was only a three minute drive away. Juan loaded the car onto the truck, drove to the mechanics which was now closed because it was 8pm - but we managed to find a space to park it right outside. As Juan left, he turned and said to me “tomorrow’s another day buddy” and gave me a fist bump - small moments of kindness go far.
Tomorrow I find out the damage for going diesel, both financially and mechanically. But it’s done now, there’s nothing I can do about it and in the grand scheme of things it’s not the end of the world. Life goes on.
Saying yes can be really exciting, it’s what brought me here in the first place - but sometimes we need to listen to our bodies and learn when to say no.
Do you agree, yes or no?
And have you accidentally filled an unleaded car with diesel? If so, please comment to make me feel better about my life choices.
Another insightful read 🙏🏻🙏🏻