Facing fear: How I battled RSD to launch Breathe with ADHD

Navigating Rejection Sensitivity and the fear of failure.

Launching Breathe with ADHD and my Substack felt like a massive leap into the unknown. Prior to deciding to retrain as a breathwork and mindfulness coach I was juggling acting, performing stand up comedy, writing and directing. All with varying degrees of success and failure.

So as you can imagine, I had a lot of fears about what others think. Would they take me seriously? Would I even take myself seriously?

If you’re someone with ADHD, you probably know the drill—Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) can make you feel like any potential criticism is an apocalyptic failure. I was sure everyone was going to laugh me out of the room. Spoiler alert: they didn’t, well not that I know of.

In fact, many were intrigued, supportive and probably just as confused as I initially was about what breathwork actually entailed (no, it’s not just heavy breathing!). And how it could help alleviate and manage ADHD symptoms.

What is RSD

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is something many people with ADHD experience, but it’s not always well understood. Essentially, RSD is an intense emotional sensitivity to real or even perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. For those of us with ADHD, it’s not just a case of feeling frustrated when someone disagrees with us or when things don’t go as planned—it can feel absolutely devastating.

Key Symptoms of RSD:

• Emotional Overwhelm: The emotional response to rejection or criticism is intense, often leading to feelings of deep shame, guilt, or sadness. It’s not uncommon for these feelings to seem all-consuming.

• Anger and Rage: When someone with ADHD feels rejected, it can be really tough for them to keep their emotions in check. This is especially noticeable in children and teenagers. Some might lash out in sudden bursts of anger or frustration, while others might break down in tears.

• Fear of Failure: Many people with RSD avoid situations where they might fail or be judged. This can lead to procrastination, avoidance of new opportunities, or even perfectionism, all in an attempt to dodge the emotional fallout of criticism.

• Physical Symptoms: RSD can also manifest physically, leading to headaches, stomach aches, or even full-blown panic attacks.

• Self-Criticism: Someone with RSD may become their own harshest critic. Even minor setbacks or imagined slights can trigger a spiral of negative self-talk and a sense of being inadequate or unworthy.

• Low Self-esteem: All of the above can often lead to low self-esteem a lack of self-belief.

Why does this happen? People with ADHD often struggle with emotional dysregulation. The ADHD brain processes information differently than a neurotypical one. Due to lower dopamine levels, it doesn’t regulate its internal communication as effectively. This means that the areas of the brain that are supposed to filter and manage signals aren't as active. Basically, there’s a lot less of a filter on the brain's activity, leading to more "noise."

This difference is why many of us with ADHD can have a hard time processing sensory information. It’s like having a thousand tabs open at once and no ad blocker—everything gets through!

RSD comes down to how the ADHD brain processes emotions, especially negative feedback. The emotional centres in the brain go into overdrive, making us hyper-sensitive to even the slightest hint of disapproval. So, if we feel like we’ve let someone down (or just think we have), it can kick off a whole storm of emotional pain that’s hard to shake.

Looking back, this makes sense. Often when performing stand up comedy, I would be triggered by the slightest hint of an audience member not laughing or smiling, which happened on more one than occasion!

What makes RSD even trickier is that it doesn’t need to be based on actual rejection. Just the possibility that someone might not approve can be enough to trigger those overwhelming feelings. And, surprise surprise, that makes it even harder to dive into new projects or take risks, especially when you’re worried about not living up to expectations.

The good news? Once you understand RSD, you can start to spot when these feelings are more about sensitivity than reality. If this hits close to home, know you’re not alone—and practices like breathwork and mindfulness can help you manage those big emotions, creating more calm and less fear.

How breathwork helped me navigate RSD

Ironically, it was breathwork that helped me overcome my fear of starting a new venture . Through incorporating a daily practice, I learned how to sit with discomfort and navigate those overwhelming emotions that can hijack your brain, when you’re already dealing with ADHD.

It brought me a calm and focus that I hadn’t experienced before, which was a game-changer. The breathing techniques I now share with clients helped me stop the spiral of RSD and tackle my fears head-on.

Launching Breathe with ADHD wasn’t just about helping others—it was me stepping into a new identity. But guess what? I’ve learned that it’s okay to evolve.

Although I was known as the comedy guy, that hasn’t stopped me from being a breathwork coach. And while I used to crack jokes, it doesn’t mean I can’t now help people find a sense of inner peace (though I’m still partial to the odd one-liner during my sessions).

Embracing change and vulnerability

Don’t get me wrong—it’s still daunting putting myself out there. I’ve had my share of sleepless nights wondering, “What if people think I’m an actual joke?” But I’ve come to realise that fear of failure is a constant companion when you have ADHD, especially with RSD. The trick is not letting it run the show.

The key is in embracing vulnerability and taking action despite the fear. And through this process, breathwork has been an anchor for me—it’s given me tools to manage my emotions and stop the constant overthinking. I mean, sure, sometimes I’ll still wonder if people are laughing at me (old habits die hard!), but I’m learning to trust that this new path is meaningful, not just for me but for the people I’m working with.

So, if you’re considering a new career path, project or venture but are terrified of what others might think, use those fears to fuel you. Maybe try some deep breathing while you’re at it. You never know, it might just calm your mind and give you the courage to launch whatever dream you’re sitting on.

In the meantime, I’ll be over here leading breathwork sessions and continuing to share my ADHD journey on Substack. Turns out, the biggest critic is often the one in your head. And luckily, just 15 minutes of daily breathwork can help quiet them down!

Jim’s heroic dose of magic mushrooms felt safer in his dreams, but it sparked the leap that helped him chase them—no cliff jumping required