In my first couple of weeks in LA I spent an afternoon hanging out with a friend who lives out here. He has a particularly cool name that is the ideal fit for an indie filmmaker such as himself. He joked that growing up in 1990’s New York meant that he didn’t have to tell people he was a filmmaker, they instinctively knew he was based on his name (which due to privacy/libel reasons I will unfortunately be withholding).
On our drive back from lunch I told him that when I was younger my Mum revealed she was going to name me Woody, but instead bestowed the family cat with that title and I got stuck with Steve.
We carried on driving in silence before my cool named indie filmmaker friend asked: “Erm can you whatsapp me the link to that event you mentioned earlier….Woody”. With that, he turned and with a wry smile said “well, how did it feel”? I said “really great!” He suggested: “Well you’re in LA, why don’t you just change your name?” I could feel my adrenaline spike, he was right, I was in the sort of city where people randomly changed their name from Thomas Cruise Mapother IV to Tom Cruise. Woody Whiteley, it sure had a ring to it…
On reflection I decided it was too much of a hassle, plus I had articles and interviews in my name littered all over the internet, which could be useful for future prospective partners that wanted to do a background check on me. Imagine if they googled Woody Whiteley and nothing came up. Maybe they’d think I was a porn star in a witness protection programme, who had ratted out the mafia, after they invested in the adult entertainment company I worked for; and subsequently found out that I was sleeping with a police informant, revealing sensitive information on their inner workings. Classic Woody. I’m copyrighting the shit out of this story fyi.
I do have a history of name changes, albeit for stage only. When I was performing stand up comedy in character as an urban poet, I went under the name ‘Wisebowm’. It might sound random, but it did have a hidden meaning to it. On my Dad’s side of the family our original surname was Weisbaum, but when my Grandfather was made a British army officer in the second world war, he decided to change it to something less Jewy sounding, incase ze Germans captured him. Although, I never quite understood this logic. All his captives had to do, was pull down his trousers to see that he had more than one helmet. Why I stopped stand up I’ll never know…
The point is, I created that stage name in a homage to him and my ancestors but changed the spelling to make it sound more street (say it back to yourself and you’ll get it). In hindsight I’m not convinced that he would appreciate a “Weisbaum” performing a rap on stage about the perils of being addicted to gluten.
In 2016 I reached the final of the New Jewish Comedian Of The Year and although my Grandpa had passed away (not from the war, the official diagnoses was excessive golf club swinging) his surviving 96 year old wife aka my Grandma came to show her support. Unfortunately she made a rookie mistake and sat in the front row and in a moment of improvisation, I accused her of being drunk (she was slouching), which got lots of laughs, but didn’t win me the crown of New Jewish Comedian Of The Year.
I was actually named (first and second name) after my Mum’s best friends husband, a cool and funny dude who smoked lots of weed and cracked decent one liners. However, he turned out to be an arsehole and walked out on his wife and kids, never to be seen again. And so I find myself stuck with a first and second name gone wrong, a tantalising alternative that would surely have seen me end up either as a porn star or in jail; and a surname that actually isn’t historically mine and was created to placate the Nazis from killing us off.
And that dear friends is why I have made the bold decision to change the name on my Instagram account to Stevie ‘Woody’ Whiteley’. Ok, so I haven’t gone all poll deed on you yet, but it’s a start and when you take action things happen. For instance, since making this historic decision, I met someone who subsequently added me on Meta’s cool cousin. They knew nothing about me, hence messaging “so do I call you Woody or Stevie?” And that is how easy it is to create a new name, direction, life etc. You just make a decision and the next thing you know, you’ve changed your LinkedIn job title to ‘Professional Adult Movie Star’.
So what decision are you going to make that will leave no trace of you online?
The poster of my one man comedy rap musical Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, which had 110 sound cues and allowed me to show my ‘acting range’, playing 4 characters at the same time - all powered by ADHD.
*I am planning a new date in July for an online breathwork workshop. If you are interested, reply BREATHE and I will send further info.
**If you are in LA, I’m hosting a Breathe with adhd workshop on 15th June at Hollowed Ground in Venice. Info and link to tickets can be found here.