The post pandemic era has opened up the world to us. Remote working has become the ‘new normal’ and everyone wants to be a digital nomad. And whilst this is some ways a positive thing it can also be overwhelming.
Where to move to - Portugal, Bali, Blackpool? After having countless conversations about this very subject matter with people from a wide variety of demographics I have come to the conclusion that perspective is everything.
As the renowned Buddhist Jon Kabat-Zinn said “Wherever you go there you are”. Meaning that you could move to a tropical paradise, but if the relationship with yourself is a bit shit, then ultimately you will have a shitty time.
When I was in Bali I had some magical moments, made some amazing new friends and surfed some epic waves - but a large portion of my time there was riddled with anxiety. I found it hard to relax and was in a perpetual state of fight or flight. I was constantly thinking about my future and panicking about the unknown.
By the end of the trip, I had incorporated a daily practice of breathwork to regulate my nervous system, which has held me in good stead since. And now I write this from LA, where I seem to be mostly in a parasympathetic state (aka rest and digest), which as a result has meant I’m able to enjoy the ride. Don’t get me wrong, I still have moments where I castigate myself - but I know that this is just my dickhead inner critic wanting to get some air time.
As I wrote about in this article, mindfulness has really helped to sabotage the self sabotage. Whereas in the past rumination would take over the show, now I’m able to incorporate hacks to break up negative patterns of thinking. This has meant that rather than having hours lost to negative habitual thought patterns, they only last twenty minutes…on a good day.
By improving my relationship with myself, I am able to adopt a different perspective, which has informed my time in LA. Also nowhere is perfect and we all have different needs and ideas of what’s important to us. For me community is massive, I want to be plugged in with people that I can have fun with, chew the fat, support each other and break (gluten free) bread together.
And this is where technology really helps. Take yesterday for instance, I was chatting to a friend on whatsapp and told them I was in LA. He suggested I connect with a friend of his who’s into ecstatic dance here, which as you may know from this article, has become a new passion of mine. Within two hours we had been introduced and she was sending instagram pages of conscious communities dotted around LA.
Even if you don’t have a community, you can seek it out - you just need to know where to find it. It can be especially hard if you’ve stopped drinking alcohol, which if you have ADHD, I would suggest considering. Suddenly going out with your crew doesn’t seem so appealing and this transitional period can feel lonely. This is when finding a community that supports your new lifestyle is important. In my case, I found the London Buddhist Centre and that opened up a whole new world to me.
Last week I held the first breathe with adhd zoom workshop and at the end we had a closing circle, where everyone shared their breathwork experience and what came up for them. And what I really noticed, was how quickly a bond was formed between everyone. There was a real sense of connection that was created through a shared vulnerability.
In todays fast paced world, this can be a rarity. Many people work from home and as a result feel isolated. Whilst its important to do ‘the work’ and learn to self-regulate, there is something powerful about co-regulation and having a community that can support your growth and development is imperative.
Perhaps this article should have been entitled ‘community is everything’. Once we find our tribe, this can help shift our perspective. So find one that uplifts and supports you. Inspire each other to find a glimmer of light and then shine it onto others. It’s too easy to fall victim to cynicism and hatred. *Love conquers all.
*The author confirms that he did not write this under the influence of psychedelics, but will use it as an excuse should he be accused of being too earnest.
Taken from my time living in the Mens residential community at the London Buddhist Centre.