I’m currently dog sitting for 2 x four legged friends. One is lovely and chill and the other definitely has adhd. It won’t sit still and doesn’t understand personal space or boundaries. This dog needs therapy, drugs or just to let be let out in a field to run until it drops from exhaustion. Now I get how annoying I must have been pre-mindfulness.
I’ve been trying to teach it to meditate, but it can’t stay focussed for long enough. And the breathwork just leads to excessive panting. The other dog is great and admittedly has become my favourite, which is surely a thing every parent experiences. There’s no way that they love each child the same. Some humans and dogs are just born annoying.
Ok so it’s a rescue dog that lived on the streets, blah blah blah, it should know better! Fortunately my practice is really helping and I’m managing to remain calm despite it at times purposely goading me. For instance every time I go to the toilet, it waits outside scratching on the door like an obsessed stalker. Still, it’s nice to feel wanted.
Dog people in LA are different - full of paranoia and terse good morning nods as they grip on for dear life to their beloved fur ball fiend. At first I thought it was cruel, they should be allowed to run free! But in the last two days, we’ve encountered a coyote and a snake. Man, I’m living on the edge. Going to head to head with a wild beast with adhd, a coyote and snake. And do I get any thanks? Look it’s not about that, but would it hurt if they showed me some gratitude for putting my life on the line!
And don’t get me started on the defecating. Ok, so I get that this doesn’t happen solely in LA. But this one doesn’t even clean up after itself. It stares at me post poo, with a spiteful look in its eye, as I mop up its dinner dump. At this stage I’m pretty sure it’s shitting excessively as part of some cruel trick. But as I say, I’m just really fortunate that all the Buddhist practice is paying off. The old version of me would have poo’d on the grass and made it clean up after me, but that didn’t go so well when I tried it once on Hampstead Heath.
The chill dog likes to smells others dogs poo and wee and then when we return, it dotingly puts his head on my lap. I try and resist, but the scent is intoxicating. Then the adhd one gets jealous and jumps on me. I get it, I’m a likeable guy but it’s too much. Rather than react though, I choose to rise above it and literally stand up, walk away and lock myself in the bedroom until it scratches away the door. All this to say, you never know when your practice is going to come into good use. We can sit on a meditation cushion for hours on end, but it’s in the most challenging of times that it really counts.
I’m considering launching breathe with adhd for dogs, but I’m not sure it would be worth it, as the selfish fucks won’t write me a testimonial. I tried asking this one and it started pretending to chase its own tail. I could feel the anger rise, but after a few deep physiological sighs I said to myself “it’s not worth it Steve”. The old me would’ve grabbed its paw and began typing, but instead I pretended to chase my own tail to confuse it. Who’s laughing now, hahahaha!
So next time you find yourself getting worked up, pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “what would Steve do.”
I currently have some spaces available for online and in-person private breathwork sessions. If you too would like to become zen as fuck, drop me a line. Namaste.
Just another day outnumbered by the fearsome hounds. And yes that is a Christmas tree in the background, hence my giving spirit in this article.
Loved that, hope the adhd dog can paint the bathroom door