For four years I met every Tuesday night as part of a Mens Buddhist study group. When I started attending I had no idea what I was letting myself in for.
Going down the Buddhist rabbit hole has its pros and cons. The pros are that the veil gets lifted and you start to understand the root of all suffering and as a result develop more compassion for yourself and others.
And with that comes a greater sense of self awareness, which means seeing through your own bullshit, understanding where certain cravings derive from and knowing that ultimately they won’t provide contentment.
Pleasure and contentment are different sides of the coin. Pleasure fulfils the dopamine rush and contentment can lead to a lessening of the desire to pursue craving. So what that means is every time I have an impulse, I’m aware of what’s driving it, which is frankly fucking annoying.
Sometimes I want to chase that dopamine high with utter abandonment, hence eating a bar of Dairymilk Oreo in one sitting, no fucks given. But if we were aware of where our ego led impulses derived from, would we still pursue them?
How much are your ambitions, status and drive to earn money driven by your cravings? And if you had the freedom to follow your heart and do the thing that you’ve secretly wanted to do for years but never have, would you?
Lately I have been a recurring feeling, almost like a sense of urgency. I want to make up for what I perceive to be lost time. In some ways last year was a shit show for me in terms of productivity and output. From a creative standpoint I didn’t make anything and often found myself in analysis paralysis. Unsure on where to focus my energies.
I was also contending with mental health challenges, juggling fun time anxiety and depression. But despite this, I did manage to complete my mindfulness teacher training course and qualify as a breathwork facilitator. Go me!
January is always a time of vigour, to get shit done. And perhaps I’m riding off its coat tails - but I am aware that time is ticking. Every moment spent scrolling on Instagram is time lost. One of the first books I read after getting diagnosed with ADHD was Driven To Distraction, a title that aptly sums up todays times.
Our attention has been hijacked, our dopamine levels are spiked and we are overwhelmed with content. Not contentment. Amidst this overwhelm its easy to distract ourselves from the passing of time. We put off taking our first steps from doing the thing. We get lost in the day to day drudgery of life and consumption.
The best type of time flying is being in a flow state. Doing something you love, that you’re so absorbed by, the minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days and days become years. Practice makes perfect and slowly a beginner turns into a pro.
In our final Buddhist study group, the teacher, a kind and wise Man turned to us and said: “whatever you do, make sure you live a life of value”.
Life is too short not to try something that brings you a level of contentment.
“Choose a life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers... Choose DSY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away in the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself, choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?”
― Irvine Welsh, Trainspotting
